Thursday, December 27, 2012

Disgusting

I don't know what's wrong with me!

I used to be the girl who couldn't get enough fruit. That's all I wanted to live off of. I could eat it breakfast, lunch, and dinner lickety-split. No problem. People would always remark that all I ate was fruit, and I was proud of it. Uh, yeah!! It's darn healthy, nutritious and I love it! Like the whole, "You have no idea what you're missing out on." My mom could hardly keep it stalked in the house. I remember one day she came home with a grocery sack full of fruit. In it, there were two bags loaded with grapes. I ate both of them for lunch- awesome. Also, as a little girl, I never really cared for red meat. So when I was 12, I stopped eating beef and pork. Then, just this past year, I stopped eating chicken- now being a pescatarian. 

However though, also this past year, I have gained over 25 pounds! Most of it just these past 2 months. (Yes, I understand it's the holidays and everyone gains a little). Though, what I've noticed most is the mentality I've also gained with this weight. It's atrocious!

I came home about an hour ago from staying at a friend's house overnight. I wasn't particularly hungry. I was drooling over the pomegranate all the way home that I knew what sitting so lovingly on the counter. I was imagining all the fruit in the basket. Mmmm! 
Nope- not a chance.
I swung open the bread cupboard (bread, cereal, chips, etc) and devoured a roll we had (with butter), ate my enchilada from the other day, two little candy bars, a scoop of ice cream, chugged a glass of milk, a handful of cereal, and a yogurt....and I think that was it. Are you f***ing kidding me?! Seriously? What happened to that delicious pomegranate?

Most importantly, when I got done, I wasn't even satisfied. And satisfied in the way that I enjoyed what I ate, that it was yummy, that I'm content. This is the way it's been, and more so since about mid-October. Total gluttony. What I cannot understand though, is how can I go from practically a fruititarian, to not even considering it? I have NEVER liked breads or pastas, or anything of the nature. I still  don't like the taste of them, yet I have decided that I just like shoving it down my throat? How have I gotten to a point that I don't even like what I'm eating, yet can't have the "will power" to eat what I have always thought is good.

What's wrong with me? (Please help).