Tuesday, January 8, 2013

When You're Not Looking, It Comes

          This is me...                                                                                     Shy.

Note 1: I have been awesome at my diet eating healthy this week! Woo-hoo! and exercising!
It's already making me feel great! and super focused. Even just a bit more confident- like proud of myself. I have resisted such tempting treats by instead sipping on some water, and if I still felt tempted even after the fact, I would eat a petit little clementine! Mmm-mmm! (Lots of explanation marks, but I'm so stoked!)

Now, you're asking where the heck this shyness is coming from? Well, I'm not flauntingly confident as I used to be. I don't even want to take off my jacket in class, so people can't see my creases. I know it's not horrendous, but it's still a complete wreck on someone's self-esteem to gain 20 pounds just like that! Hopefully, this non-gluten thing will make some of the weight drop in an instant.

In addition, I chose this picture because I want to hide and bury myself until I feel ready and comfortable enough with myself to come out and show off my hot body. Really, though, I have to keep telling myself, guys still think I'm attractive, and especially on the inside. I am beautiful. They still see those sexy legs of mine. They still see this cute girl who has such an eclectic sense of style. For a FACT!!!!!
          This guy I just met in one of my classes (goes from 6-9pm) walked me to my dorm- which literally has to be the farthest possible combination of buildings on campus. Seriously? Obviously he likes you, Kadie. Gesh! I can't complain either because finally there is a guy who likes me that is my age, super attractive, and likes me when I'm at my worst (and he doesn't even know that, so it can only get better, right?)

Friday, January 4, 2013

Happy to Move

I have been home for the holidays back in Colorado. I can now say that I know really how long a month actually is. My goodness! I cannot wait to go back to Portland and start fresh with a new mindset on life. I feel like I have been someone for the past few years who gets so easily peer pressured by others. I am a very driven individual and will set her mind to do something and completely stick with it, but as soon as someone makes the most harmless remark about whatever I'm doing, I want to change. I think I have been trying to become my own spirit so much, that I forget when I'm happy with where I am and NOT change.
          So, some future changes, for this is who I am:

Love the things around me.

1) Be passionate, and be ME!
          -Do what makes me feel good based on my own perspective on the world. Pursue my own      
          "religion"- what makes me at peace. Fall in love with myself and my hobbies.

2) Work on an art piece every day.
          -I've noticed that some of these changes, have led me to not pursuing my style of art- which is    
          odd because everyone always love my pieces. I want to rev up my skills and passion again-
          practice all the time.

3) No gluten!
          -Gluten intolerance runs in the family. I have never really enjoyed pastas and bread, but again,
          was influenced to last year when I did cross-country. Since then, I've gained so much weight-
          especially within the last two months. I've noticed I feel so sluggish and am not focused. In
          retrospect, the culprit- gluten. Hopefully it should be easier with my lovely roommate and
          wonderfully accepting city to alternative eating.

4) Do some sort of exercise every day.
          -It keeps your mind clear, you feeling good, and obviously keeping you in shape. I just need
          more commitment. Just one little hour. I have to keep reminding myself that it doesn't have to be
          any PR and crazy workout, but something is better than nothing at all.

5) Be more involved.
          -Do stuff! Explore. Be that active, artist that you have always wanted to be, Kadie! As an artist,
          you are always seeking, but never truly finding. So seek. Put all your energy into finding that
          never truly found, for it only begs you to seek more. Just GO!