Woo hoo! First solely black tattoo and I love it! My design, too (as always). Thought it would be weird to stare at my handwriting all the time, but do far so good. Hehe.
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Guy Trouble
Stuck. Don't know what to do. Lost.
I love you, but I want to love someone else.....
It's kind of like that.
I love my boyfriend. He is utterly sweet. We've discussed moving in, getting married, kids—star crossed lovers, I would put it. However, lately, I've been having these underlying feelings that I don't really know what to do with. Certain things don't just set me off or are something I don't like, but fucking send me over the edge. The horrible thing is that they are more tendencies that he can't really help. It's just a part of his character. So it's not like how: my dad exaggerates a lot, my mom is an insane animal lover (worries too much), my friend smacks her lips. Ya know, little things like that. It's how he ACTS, that drives me up the wall. I'm not sure what to do with that.
So, I've been thinking about taking a break, but don't know what that would do to him. I think it'd be fine to "relearn" each other. Take the pressure off in a sense. However, I don't want to lose anything, but I also don't want to miss anything. (Please say you know what I'm talking about!) I want to experience dating other people. He's the only nice guy I've dated, so I feel like I'm being bias about that fact. But I catch myself all the time daydreaming about other guys, possibilities and what if's that I could be with.
The thing is that I want a MAN, and being the same height is kind of awkward sometimes. Plus, I like for guys to express their feelings, but he cries over everything! It's weird sometimes. I don't mean to be sexist, but sometimes, I want to be the girl in the relationship.
Ugh, so confused.
I love you, but I want to love someone else.....
It's kind of like that.
I love my boyfriend. He is utterly sweet. We've discussed moving in, getting married, kids—star crossed lovers, I would put it. However, lately, I've been having these underlying feelings that I don't really know what to do with. Certain things don't just set me off or are something I don't like, but fucking send me over the edge. The horrible thing is that they are more tendencies that he can't really help. It's just a part of his character. So it's not like how: my dad exaggerates a lot, my mom is an insane animal lover (worries too much), my friend smacks her lips. Ya know, little things like that. It's how he ACTS, that drives me up the wall. I'm not sure what to do with that.
So, I've been thinking about taking a break, but don't know what that would do to him. I think it'd be fine to "relearn" each other. Take the pressure off in a sense. However, I don't want to lose anything, but I also don't want to miss anything. (Please say you know what I'm talking about!) I want to experience dating other people. He's the only nice guy I've dated, so I feel like I'm being bias about that fact. But I catch myself all the time daydreaming about other guys, possibilities and what if's that I could be with.
The thing is that I want a MAN, and being the same height is kind of awkward sometimes. Plus, I like for guys to express their feelings, but he cries over everything! It's weird sometimes. I don't mean to be sexist, but sometimes, I want to be the girl in the relationship.
Ugh, so confused.
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
I'm Back! and with Determination!
So this goes out to a comment I got on my last article. It really was a wake up call that I need to start writing again (so thank you). I was hiding in the beginning of the year due to my weight gain, but now!
I am more determined than ever!
I was doing quite well this past winter term. By the end of February, my jeans were slipping on a lot easier (meaning, I was back where I was before I gained all this weight). Then, of course, finals, spring break and all that jazz happened (and I was a bit bad about my gluten-free), so I gained some back. UGH!!! Totally frustrating! It's even more pull-my-hair-out-aggravating since I used to have two cousins who were quite chubby, while I was stick thin, and now they got SUPER skinny, and I did the opposite! I could go on and on about how this is also my prime time to shine and show off my figure and there are all these adorable boys, and I just feel like I'm too big for them.
So now! I am more determined than ever to finally get this weight off. I plan on an intense 10 week diet in which I want to lose a pound a week. I still not be as thin as I was when I lost the weight the first time, but I will have so much more confidence and that's really my ideal comfort weight. I would love to hear some motivating stories! Any motivation tips? Wish me luck!
So far this week, I've been so good! Lots of eggs for protein and NO GLUTEN! Not even tempted! Any awesome recipe ideas? (Keep in mind I'm a vegetarian).
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
When You're Not Looking, It Comes
Note 1: I have been awesome at
It's already making me feel great! and super focused. Even just a bit more confident- like proud of myself. I have resisted such tempting treats by instead sipping on some water, and if I still felt tempted even after the fact, I would eat a petit little clementine! Mmm-mmm! (Lots of explanation marks, but I'm so stoked!)
Now, you're asking where the heck this shyness is coming from? Well, I'm not flauntingly confident as I used to be. I don't even want to take off my jacket in class, so people can't see my creases. I know it's not horrendous, but it's still a complete wreck on someone's self-esteem to gain 20 pounds just like that! Hopefully, this non-gluten thing will make some of the weight drop in an instant.
In addition, I chose this picture because I want to hide and bury myself until I feel ready and comfortable enough with myself to come out and show off my hot body. Really, though, I have to keep telling myself, guys still think I'm attractive, and especially on the inside. I am beautiful. They still see those sexy legs of mine. They still see this cute girl who has such an eclectic sense of style. For a FACT!!!!!
This guy I just met in one of my classes (goes from 6-9pm) walked me to my dorm- which literally has to be the farthest possible combination of buildings on campus. Seriously? Obviously he likes you, Kadie. Gesh! I can't complain either because finally there is a guy who likes me that is my age, super attractive, and likes me when I'm at my worst (and he doesn't even know that, so it can only get better, right?)
Friday, January 4, 2013
Happy to Move
I have been home for the holidays back in Colorado. I can now say that I know really how long a month actually is. My goodness! I cannot wait to go back to Portland and start fresh with a new mindset on life. I feel like I have been someone for the past few years who gets so easily peer pressured by others. I am a very driven individual and will set her mind to do something and completely stick with it, but as soon as someone makes the most harmless remark about whatever I'm doing, I want to change. I think I have been trying to become my own spirit so much, that I forget when I'm happy with where I am and NOT change.
So, some future changes, for this is who I am:
1) Be passionate, and be ME!
-Do what makes me feel good based on my own perspective on the world. Pursue my own
"religion"- what makes me at peace. Fall in love with myself and my hobbies.
2) Work on an art piece every day.
-I've noticed that some of these changes, have led me to not pursuing my style of art- which is
odd because everyone always love my pieces. I want to rev up my skills and passion again-
practice all the time.
3) No gluten!
-Gluten intolerance runs in the family. I have never really enjoyed pastas and bread, but again,
was influenced to last year when I did cross-country. Since then, I've gained so much weight-
especially within the last two months. I've noticed I feel so sluggish and am not focused. In
retrospect, the culprit- gluten. Hopefully it should be easier with my lovely roommate and
wonderfully accepting city to alternative eating.
4) Do some sort of exercise every day.
-It keeps your mind clear, you feeling good, and obviously keeping you in shape. I just need
more commitment. Just one little hour. I have to keep reminding myself that it doesn't have to be
any PR and crazy workout, but something is better than nothing at all.
5) Be more involved.
-Do stuff! Explore. Be that active, artist that you have always wanted to be, Kadie! As an artist,
you are always seeking, but never truly finding. So seek. Put all your energy into finding that
never truly found, for it only begs you to seek more. Just GO!
So, some future changes, for this is who I am:
Love the things around me.
1) Be passionate, and be ME!
-Do what makes me feel good based on my own perspective on the world. Pursue my own
"religion"- what makes me at peace. Fall in love with myself and my hobbies.
2) Work on an art piece every day.
-I've noticed that some of these changes, have led me to not pursuing my style of art- which is
odd because everyone always love my pieces. I want to rev up my skills and passion again-
practice all the time.
3) No gluten!
-Gluten intolerance runs in the family. I have never really enjoyed pastas and bread, but again,
was influenced to last year when I did cross-country. Since then, I've gained so much weight-
especially within the last two months. I've noticed I feel so sluggish and am not focused. In
retrospect, the culprit- gluten. Hopefully it should be easier with my lovely roommate and
wonderfully accepting city to alternative eating.
4) Do some sort of exercise every day.
-It keeps your mind clear, you feeling good, and obviously keeping you in shape. I just need
more commitment. Just one little hour. I have to keep reminding myself that it doesn't have to be
any PR and crazy workout, but something is better than nothing at all.
5) Be more involved.
-Do stuff! Explore. Be that active, artist that you have always wanted to be, Kadie! As an artist,
you are always seeking, but never truly finding. So seek. Put all your energy into finding that
never truly found, for it only begs you to seek more. Just GO!
Monday, December 31, 2012
Want to Slim Down in 2013?
I found an article through MSN talking about mind games to use to help you lose weight. I thought I'd relay some of the more eye-opening/useful info:
1) Dim the Lights
If you're under a softer light, the mood is less stimulating to the brain, making you more uninterested in the food. I tried this one out during dinner tonight. Once I was finished, I did notice that I felt a lot more tired. I felt relaxed, and not that "go, go, go" feeling that I would have with the lights on. Eating didn't feel like a task that I had to rush through (thus eating more). I enjoyed my food a lot more, and I can really see how this one could help after awhile.
2) Got Zzzzz's?
Studies show that getting less than 6.5 hours of sleep can lead to you eating an extra 500 calories in your day. You're trying to substitute your tiredness with energy from food, which is most likely to just make you more sleepy. Instead, try a quick little workout or jaunt- those endorphins will pick you right up! (Or take a nap).
3) Rephrase your Thoughts
We all tell ourselves, "I can't". Telling ourselves that we can't do something is a punishment, tearing down our motivation. Now, try telling yourself "you don't" eat certain foods in order to promote a healthy lifestyle. I can see this one in my life because I'm a pescatarian. I have never said, "I can't eat beef, pork, or poultry", but simply, "I don't eat those meats". It's never been a big deal for me. In fact, now analyzing this statement, I can see how saying "I don't" makes me feel more confident; it's my choice to eat like that, and that's pretty awesome. For me, I'm going to say, "I don't eat carbs (because it makes my stomach upset)"- and that's no fun.
4) Love Yourself
Tell yourself you're beautiful, happy, have a great sense of style, and that you're THIN! Studies show that if you think thin, your lifestyle will mimic how you treat yourself. I struggled (past tense!) with saying, "Ah, whatever", "One time", "When do you enjoy yourself?" Well, pretty soon, I was saying yes to everything- like I might as well! So tell yourself you're absolutely lovely when you resist that sugary temptation, for that was purely amazing! You're so much more confident, strong, and thinner without it! This is YOUR life, not those sugary food's life.
5) Pair your Meals
If you pair your meals with water, you are more likely to choose more low-calorie foods than if you drink a sugary beverage. You'll think healthier, if you do a little healthy.
1) Dim the Lights
If you're under a softer light, the mood is less stimulating to the brain, making you more uninterested in the food. I tried this one out during dinner tonight. Once I was finished, I did notice that I felt a lot more tired. I felt relaxed, and not that "go, go, go" feeling that I would have with the lights on. Eating didn't feel like a task that I had to rush through (thus eating more). I enjoyed my food a lot more, and I can really see how this one could help after awhile.
2) Got Zzzzz's?
Studies show that getting less than 6.5 hours of sleep can lead to you eating an extra 500 calories in your day. You're trying to substitute your tiredness with energy from food, which is most likely to just make you more sleepy. Instead, try a quick little workout or jaunt- those endorphins will pick you right up! (Or take a nap).
3) Rephrase your Thoughts
We all tell ourselves, "I can't". Telling ourselves that we can't do something is a punishment, tearing down our motivation. Now, try telling yourself "you don't" eat certain foods in order to promote a healthy lifestyle. I can see this one in my life because I'm a pescatarian. I have never said, "I can't eat beef, pork, or poultry", but simply, "I don't eat those meats". It's never been a big deal for me. In fact, now analyzing this statement, I can see how saying "I don't" makes me feel more confident; it's my choice to eat like that, and that's pretty awesome. For me, I'm going to say, "I don't eat carbs (because it makes my stomach upset)"- and that's no fun.
4) Love Yourself
Tell yourself you're beautiful, happy, have a great sense of style, and that you're THIN! Studies show that if you think thin, your lifestyle will mimic how you treat yourself. I struggled (past tense!) with saying, "Ah, whatever", "One time", "When do you enjoy yourself?" Well, pretty soon, I was saying yes to everything- like I might as well! So tell yourself you're absolutely lovely when you resist that sugary temptation, for that was purely amazing! You're so much more confident, strong, and thinner without it! This is YOUR life, not those sugary food's life.
5) Pair your Meals
If you pair your meals with water, you are more likely to choose more low-calorie foods than if you drink a sugary beverage. You'll think healthier, if you do a little healthy.
What to Eat?
Eating.....
Well I've been thinking about what I would like to eat now for this new start back to my health. It really shouldn't be an issue, because I've always been an extremely healthy eater. Lately though, health isn't what I've been craving. It's just bad habits for the moment.
So, I've been thinking about what I want to start eating to kickstart this passion for delicious wholesome food. I want to start with the Paleo diet. I used to always naturally eat like that. Now just putting a title to my regular diet I believe will just help me to stick with it. That means fruits, veggies, and nuts for me since I don't eat meat. What I CAN'T STAND though, is the fact that it sounds so delicious to me. Seeing pictures of a grapefruit cut in half just makes my mouth water. However, when that is placed in front of me, it is the most boring thing I could imagine eating.
Well I've been thinking about what I would like to eat now for this new start back to my health. It really shouldn't be an issue, because I've always been an extremely healthy eater. Lately though, health isn't what I've been craving. It's just bad habits for the moment.
So, I've been thinking about what I want to start eating to kickstart this passion for delicious wholesome food. I want to start with the Paleo diet. I used to always naturally eat like that. Now just putting a title to my regular diet I believe will just help me to stick with it. That means fruits, veggies, and nuts for me since I don't eat meat. What I CAN'T STAND though, is the fact that it sounds so delicious to me. Seeing pictures of a grapefruit cut in half just makes my mouth water. However, when that is placed in front of me, it is the most boring thing I could imagine eating.
Maybe it is because I'm telling myself to diet and lose weight,
instead of just telling myself it's an amazing lifestyle
that will help me achieve all that I want.
Eating healthy is an achievement and will only create more.
(That sounds good).
Though, maybe I need to eat new eclectic meals to amp up that taste palette again. Or, do I need to maybe eat the same things all the time so it's less tempting to eat a lot. Variety seems like it would entice me to stay with healthy choices. Hmmm.....
Ideas on healthy PALEO recipes? Roasted tomatoes, stuffed mushrooms, grilled bananas...
Any awesome vegan recipes?
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